The Case of 100 Missing Brains

Austin is a great American city with a lively college scene, thriving business environment, fun music festivals and brain trafficking. Yes brain trafficking… kinda. Professor Tim Schallert, or Curator of the Brain Collection (he gets chicks) at UT Austin recently reported that the university is missing 100 human brains in jars.  The brains were stored in a university basement and the professor believes one possibility is “people started swiping them for living rooms or Halloween pranks.”

Let’s analyze this. Um… living rooms. Okay I watch a lot of murder porn like Criminal Minds and the ID Channel and if this is the case I’m turning this article into a Public Service Announcement. If you are friends with someone with a brain in a jar on their mantle, the odds are 5 to 1 your brain will end up in a jar on that mantle. If you’re dating them it’s 1 to 1… and if you’re a former beauty queen your brain is already on the mantle.

Zombie snacks: 

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